Reviving the blog – Hello!


Hello! Is anyone still here? Do you visit this blog? Is blogging still alive? Who reads blogs in 2024?

I’m trying to revive this blog. I read some of my posts from a decade ago and it refreshed a lot of memories and I thought I should keep the diary going and record all random happenings.

It’s been such a long time since I wrote anything apart from about my son.

I’m going to start something big in my life. Something that has been dear to me since a girl. More on it when I begin.

Big life changing moments apart from Covid in 2020:

Grandma passed away in 2016 and it changed my perspective on life and people.

Got a job in 2017. Changed job in 2021. All remotely as my company is based in another country (technically). I have met my teammates only once!

Bought a house in 2022 with a garden and all. Enjoying gardening with all gusto.

Estranged from some family members and grew close to others.

Found a new soul sister in a friend in 2021. Friendship going strong.

We made some songs…


Found this post from 2014 hidden in my drafts. The son must be around 5 years old when he came up with this song.

The fish is in the pool
the fish is in the pool
f f f f f the fish is in the pool

A cat is running by
a cat is running by
c c c c c a cat is running by

I am a ghost but you cannot see me
flying above the sea

The boy turned 14


In the yearly update, the boy has turned 14!

The screen is his best friend. There’s a lock now on the phone and am trying to crack the password without success.

The early morning hugs continue but are sometimes forced or forgotten.

There’s some role reversal. He comes to tuck me in bed now. I think it is because he gets more time with the phone in bed.

School started a few weeks ago. My annual ritual of adjusting trouser waists and trying out uniforms was discontinued this year. Every year, he tries on the new uniform and I adjust the waist of his trousers as he still surprisingly thin. This year, he came out of the room fully dressed and he told me he did it himself. No thank you! That’s one more task taken off me. He doesn’t need his mother. One more less thing for me to do for him.

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How’s school?

It’s fine.

Need any help with homework?

Nah, I got it.

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Still a kind soul and big helper around the house. We had many guests over this summer, extended families from India, Dubai and London at the same time over a two week period. The usually glued to screen boy turned into a proper host, serving guests, chatting animatedly, helping out with things to do around the house.

He has developed a passion for gardening, he won’t admit it yet. Anytime I am in the garden, mowing the lawn of cutting down plants, he is there asking if I need help and I plead my thanks and let him take over. I assume the role of a guide and tell him what needs done. He does the work because he thinks I can’t do it anymore (mom’s getting old) I let him do it as an excuse to spend more time with him.

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The conversations have changed too.

Me: S, what’s vaping?

S: It’s like an e cigarette. It’s pretty common. A few school mates do it regularly. There’s going to be a ban on disposable vapes though.

Me: (left wondering where he gets all this information from and how does he know so much about it?) I see..

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He had to choose his subjects this year for the SQAs next year.

How are you getting on with the new subjects, do you like them? Are you enjoying studying these topics?

Some I like, others not so much.. they are boring!

Well, why did you choose them then? You could have chosen cooking? You like to cook.

Cooking you could teach me. I’m good at the subjects that bore me. Just because am good at it, doesn’t mean I like them. They are going to help me get a good job and earn more.

Me: 😮

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So onwards and upwards we go from here. Learning new things from my son is exhilarating. I keep smiling like a fool as he tells me things (some I know, some I don’t) because in my mind he is still a baby.

A corruption of blood


Thanks to Canongate for a review copy.

A Corruption of Blood is the third chapter in this wonderful historical medical mystery series set in Victorian Edinburgh. Although each book is a complete story, the larger and ongoing character arc of Raven and Fisher builds up with each book. I think they should be read in order for the characters and their behaviours to make sense. This was one of the darker ones of the three. Many real historical characters appear on the pages along with Raven and Fisher.

The story picks up a few months after the end of the previous book, Sarah is in Paris to meet Elizabeth Blackwell, famous as the first woman to get a medical degree, in the hope of studying further herself, while Raven is still working as assosiate assistant to Professor Simpson’s and living in his house. Sarah returns home disappointed and then learns that Raven is engaged to Eugenie, daughter of an eminent doctor. We see Raven and Sarah get into different complicated situations which require further investigation. Sarah needs to hide her feelings when they are thrown together in apparently two different investigations – the poisoning of a wealthy person apparently by his son and the discovery of a dead baby wrapped up in a parcel by the Water of Leith. What follows is an investigation through Victorian Edinburgh with its sights and smells. We learn about the dark side of life for women in the Victorian era and the choices or lack thereof forced on them.

While the mysteries are solid, the other compelling reason to read these books is the developing relationship between Will and Sarah. Their character arc builds throughout the three books and it will be interesting to see how their relationship moves forward from this point onwards.

The boy turned 13


Last week, I completed 13 years as a mother in this world. Such a long span of time that went by in a whirl.

The son/kiddo/brat has turned into a fine young man, though he spends too much time in front of the screen. The bane for all parents in this age.

Having met his few teenage friends, I see how distant they are from their parents, with some hardly talking or spending very little time with them. I’m glad my son still hugs me every morning right after he wakes up. It is a very quiet hug, I am not supposed to say anything, rock him or sing or such. Lasts about a minute. I think of it as a recharge hug for both our souls. Early in the morning, before the screen sucks him in, we steal a minute to reassure ourselves of each other’s presence, to comfort ourselves with our mutual love for one another.

I get the occasional barbed response but overall he is a loving and kind soul. Sometimes a very witty, sarcastic and wise one. One night, a few years ago, I was tucking him in for bed. We talked some and somehow ended up on the subject of death. He turns to me and says, ‘Everyone has to die someday. Life is but a waiting game, a wait to die.’

Last week, he had snuggled up to me as we watched TV. Suddenly he says to me, ‘Every teenager is living 4 lives. One is their home life, second is their school life, third – life with their friends and fourth – a fantasy life – online gaming life.’

I didn’t know he had such crystal clear thoughts and could compartmentalize his life. In contrast, I was such a wreck as a teenager, riddled with anxiety, anger, fear and confusion with life.

Of ups and downs


Sunday 10th Jan 2021 –

Another day of ups and downs. Ups in the morning with some key decision making. Come evening, undoing those decisions. This is the second time this has happened and hopefully the last.

Going into this, I had thought that I won’t be taking the pressure and stressing over it but given my nature, I am feeling stressed. It is also a lot more frustrating, knowing you have given it time and effort and it has come to nothing. I hate a waste especially when it is to do with spending mental efforts into something and realigning your outlook towards a way of life.

I have realised I cannot live with indecision and the constant back of forth. I think it shows a weakness in mental fortitude.

Another lockdown


As of yesterday midnight, Scotland is in national lockdown until 1st of Feb. This obviously means a month of home-schooling. The last time this happened, it was chaos all around. Parents didn’t know what to do and neither did the kids. I think the kids did better in the lockdown than the parents.

It was the first time for schools as well and they were scrambling to take lessons online. This time round, I am hoping for a more organised approach. We have been there, done that, so everyone knows what to expect, in a way.

Home schooling is so much different from actual schooling. The kids get to revise but new learning does not happen. There has been a lot of debate about the effectiveness of home-schooling. For me, it’s just about getting through the day without too much screen time! We’ll see how it goes. I am letting go.

Tested negative for Covid


In July, I was put on to a project, which does not really match my job description, but hey, you do that work that falls on you. I had worked on a similar project back in February and yet I was dreading this work and just wanted to get it done with. Let’s not talk of project management and deadlines. As always, I will meet them and get it done; integrity and all that. Midway through the project, I got an assistant of sorts to help me through it. By then I was already working 12-14 hours a day including weekends. It got to the point that I couldn’t switch my mind off. I was thinking of work constantly even when I wasn’t working. After office work, there was housework, cooking, cleaning etc. It seemed like I was just working nonstop.

I didn’t have the time or inclination to celebrate my birthday come August. I honestly can’t remember, what I ate on that day. Now comes the drama. On the next day of my birthday, by afternoon, I think my body had had it. I just went to the bedroom and flopped down. Next day, early morning, I sent a text to my manager, saying I physically can’t work anymore. She excused me for the day. I had tremendous body ache, a slight fever and fatigue. I couldn’t sit for more than 15 minutes at a time. I had to go lie down then. KP got really worried about me. Although I had not stepped out of the house for the entire month of July (working like crazy); he felt that we should all get tested for COVID. Luckily, we got the appointment for the very next day afternoon.

We drove to the Edinburgh airport where the test centre was located. It took us some time to actually find it. I was imagining long queues and waits. However, there was hardly anyone there. We had to keep the car windows closed at all times. The volunteers guided us to a spot where we could park our car. We showed our appointment date and time on the phone through the glass window. KP was told to roll down the window and kits were passed to us. We had to do our own swabs – throat, and nose. We did not have to step out of the car. That was the 5th August. We could all sense the tension in the air. Although I had a feeling that I didn’t have it, you can’t be sure in these crazy times. I came home and smelled the coffee and I could smell it!

We got the results via a text message early on the morning of 6th August – all negative. Drumroll and celebrations all around. Phew! I was still feeling miserable though. I did not have a cough, nor did I have a high fever. After a lot of google research, we diagnosed it down to flu. The doctors here are really not useful as they don’t see you unless you have been ill for a couple of weeks. I was just taking paracetamol and ibuprofen. After a couple of weeks, I had no temperature and was recovering. It was a month before I felt back to normal.

This is a note for the diary to record our part in the history of this pandemic.

A note for the diary #covid19


Long time since I updated this space. It never felt that lockdown was lifted during the months of August and September. A new strain of the virus is circulating in England and it is supposed to be 70% more contagious than the already highly contagious one. This new variant has wreaked havoc just before the Christmas holidays and new year. The UK has imposed its most severe lockdown. Christmas is essentially cancelled. People can meet with other households only over Christmas Day. The UK will go into lockdown from 27th December for three weeks. School holidays are extended until 11th Jan and then there will be a week of online schooling. All non essential stores, gyms, hairdressers and entertainment venues will be closed. Over 40 countries have banned travel to and from the UK.

Schools closed for the Christmas on Friday the 18th. We got an email from the head teacher a day before school closed, saying he was happy that not a single Covid case was recorded for the junior school. On Friday though, I got a call from the school office saying a positive case has been identified and that S was in direct contact with the case; so he needs to go home soon. He also needs to self isolate until the 23rd December.

S is fine and not showing any symptoms. Initially he was happy as self isolation meant he would be in his room playing video games and food will be brought up to him. Been 3 days now and the boredom has set. He has lost interest in the games. He is missing going out and playing with his friends. Two more days to go.

The guidelines around self isolation are strange. S has to self isolate but we are free to go out, with masks and social distancing of course. Here I am thinking, shouldn’t we self isolate as well? If S is an asymptomatic carrier, isn’t there a chance that he has passed it on to us already?

Fingers crossed.