The Edinburgh Diaries updates

Back to my solitude. My parents have gone back to India yesterday. The six weeks that they were with us had been full of fun, laughter, mummy’s good old home-made food and outings. The kiddo seems to have adapted better than us to their absence. Out of sight out of mind it is for him. As for me, I spent a miserable day gazing blankly at the empty places in the house where they used to keep their bags and stuff. But today is better than yesterday, specially since I now have chores around the house. Hoping posting will be frequent. 🙂

Back to work

I am back to work after five months. Not much has changed including the fact that I don’t have any work. I am into a project but my role isn’t defined. Even the client has no idea what I am supposed to do or what they want from me. This project is different from my field and if I do get to work in it, then it won’t be my usual tasks and activities. I do not really want this but then I don’t have an option.

Sitting idle all day is getting very difficult since I haven’t done it in a long time and now with the baby along, I am used to having my hands full. It’s a big bore and a mental and physical drain since I miss my baby all day as is obvious. I cannot stay back home and wait till my work starts, I need to be present in the office in front of my machine incase anyone contacts me.

The only motivation to come to the office is the canteen. I never thought I would be saying this but I keep looking forward for lunch break and snacks break since I arrive in the morning.

My MIL assures me that my son is doing well without me and that he doesn’t trouble much and eats and sleeps well. He is doing well, but not me. Missing him is terrible and the real delight is to experience the toothless smile and the flapping of hands when he sees me on returning home. I wonder whether a five month old is capable of missing his mother and feeling sad, whether that emotion is developed in him. Still, am satisfied to see him smiling when he sees me.

In the past couple of weeks, I have seen a tremendous growth in him. He has started rolling over like a spring. The moment I put him on his back, the next moment I find him on his stomach with his head held high like that of a snake. He also claps his hands and if given rattles, he bangs them together to create a clatter.Just yesterday, when he couldnt find the rattles, he held both his feet in his hands and slammed them together but unfortunately that didn’t make any noise and he soon lost interest in it.

He needs his space and takes his own sweet time to mix with people. He is social only with select people he knows. However he will make an exception and will come to you if you are to carry him around and show him new things specially the greenery. As I said, he is a nature lover. Trees are his favourite. He howls and cries in his sleep which puts me on a high alert and am up and awake to rock him and put him back to sleep only to find him fast asleep. Gargling and purring are his signs when he has had enough food. He will gargle and eventually spit out when he is full and that’s his way of telling you to stop. But he will not stop crying and bringing down the house when he’s hungry and won’t stop till mommy puts the feeding appendage into his mouth. He is such a sweet kid, that he doesn’t much like th tonics that I give him; the displeasure is clearly written on his face, however he gulps it down and never throws up. His antics are very pleasing and funny at the same time specially when he tries to crawl ahead by putting his head down and pushing forward. He doesn’t have much patience for he starts yelling after a few failed attempts at his task.

I never imagined myself to be a working mother for I myself hated it when my mother used to go to office when I was a kid. I always imagined to be a at-home mom available for my child who almost wouldn’t do without me. But then God smirked and Destiny happened. Finding a work-home balance is a tough task and I am realising that by each passing, I would rather opt to see my son growing than to work for people whose faces I haven’t seen. Thirty forty years from now, I won’t recall how I grabbed a project with a successful client call or on which day I received an appreciation mail from the client, I would most definitely remember the first time my son smiled at me, the first time he rolled over, his first words. The time spent idly with loved ones builds better relationships and makes for best memories.

Mee Mee Monica and updates

That’s the name of the kid’s store from where we’ve got a lot of S’s things. S- that’s my son’s name. point in keeping it a secret – it’s Shantanu. Now many may find it old fashioned and too long for contemporary names but I liked it immensely and that’s what it is.

Anyway, an update on what’s happenening. I have shifted to my husband’s place two weeks back and taking care of the baby all on my own. Thank god for MIL – she is managing the kitchen.

When asleep, Shantanu is quiet (ha ha) but once awake he is quite a demanding baby and needs your constant attention, – either to talk to or play with, which I think is normal like most babies.

Just a couple of days back, he has started turning over to his right side and that makes him happy and pleases him to no end. He also tries to put his toes in his mouth but is unsuccessful though he takes a lot of effort at it.

Today we bought him a pram. I cannot say he took it up like fish to water but he did enjoy his first ride and looked around confused. That’s pretty much good.

His sleep schedule is still erratic. He sleeps anytime between 11 pm to 2 am and that’s not doing me any good. When he is awake, he liked to chat, that we must chat with him constantly. He also liked to play with his Tweety and Teddy and from their colours am guessing that Yellow is his favourite.

As an aside, I can’t believe that every time I make a best score on a game on Facebook, the net decides to die on me and I have to replay.

Weird Dreams

As you all know (well, all those who read my blog!), I haven’t been doing much lately. Nothing at all, really. Just sitting around idly twiddling my fingers and swatting flies, no, no, I don’t swat flies, cause there aren’t any here. My mind has become lazy but then only during the day. It goes into a hyper active mode though sub-consciously during the night. Yes, I have been getting these weird dreams lately. I have been dreaming a lot. Or maybe I always used to dream a lot and now I can remember them all. Sometimes it’s the same dream repeating frame by frame and I know what’s coming. And other times, it’s something very weird, not totally out of this world but very uncharacteristic. My dreams are vivid, colourful and very weird. Here are a few of them:

  • I am riding with my father on his scooter on a road near our house and at a turn the scooter slips and I fall on my back and hurt my head. It’s one of the dreams that I have been getting since I was a small kid. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it means that my life is controlled by him and that hurts me somehow!
  • I am living in this huge hotel with doors and rooms close to each other and there is someone out there who wants to kill me. I never see that person upfront just lurking around the corner somewhere and I run scared around the hotel everytime I see him. I am constantly in fear while staying at this hotel. This dream is probably inspired by one of those Agatha Christie books that I have read a lot. I don’t know its significance. I don’t get this one frequently, it just stayed with me somehow.
  • I am travelling on this huge ship which is just too huge. Maybe like the Titanic. This ship is cruising in deep vast sea which has huge, giant waves. This sea somehow has huge sharp-end rocks and every time the ship dips into the huge waves, I fear it will get hit on some rock and I will die. This ship is sailing at breakneck pace taking in huge amounts of water. Everyone else on the ship seems to be oblivious to this fact and are enjoying and I am standing somewhere on the top from where I can see the giant waves and the rocks. I have been getting this dream a lot recently. I think it’s inspired from Titanic and The Perfect Storm.
  • This one is the icing on the cake. It starts with a party at my house. I am having a large number guests at home. In the middle of the party, the police arrive with an arrest warrant. And guess who is it for. It’s for my sweet old little grandmother. She is sitting at corner having her ice cream. The warrant says that my grandmother is charged for assisting the terrorists in all those bomb blasts. That she supplied them with the bombs. We all get baffled by this, but my grandmother is just sitting in a corner quietly. We ask the police to give us some time to confront with her and they agree. We question her and she breaks down. She says that she didn’t want to do all this illegal thing but she was forced to do so. We wonder what is it that would force her to do something like this. We then get a call by some terrorist (?) saying that my grandmother is used to taking drugs (???) such as cocaine and is addicted to it. And that they blackmailed her saying they would inform her family about this unless she helped them. That’s it. This is where it ends.

I fail to understand how my mind could cook up stuff like this. But am sure it would make a very interesting storyline if I extend on each of these dreams, especially the last one.