Have you met people who pretend to be someone they are not? Such people give out opinions which are not theirs. They just say so to go with the flow or to be liked by everyone. But that is just a mask to hide their real selves. The ideas are not original and they have no conviction. It is just to gel with the group or to create a high opinion of themselves in others.
But how long can you pretend? Can you compromise so much with what is popular that you lose yourself in it. That you lose your identity? What is the harm in having a mind of your own. It may not be popular, hell, it may not even be right. But it is your own. The other pretentious one is just a mask to cover yourself up.
Why is it that we are so ashamed to show to the world who we really are and what we think. Is it because we fear ridicule for saying something that is not in line with the masses? Or do we really think so low about ourselves that we want to hide it from the rest of the world. I have seen friends just nodding in agreement to someone saying something even if they didn’t know anything about it. What is the shame in saying “I don’t know.” You cannot possibly know everything!
This is one aspect of pretending. The other is when you accept the beliefs and way of living of others even if it is contradictory to your own. And hence you start changing yourself and moulding yourself around that person. No matter if it gives you a personal hell of a situation to live in. Now you would ask me, why would anyone do that? That is exactly what I am trying to find out about a close person. You can see him suffer. You know that this is not how he is. You can see clear signs that given a different situation and environment, this person would act differently and bloom. But in the vicinity of this other person you can see him retrieving in his shell and acting to please him. But at what cost? Is this out of love? fear? If it is out of love, the other person wouldn’t let that happen would he? But is it out of fear? Fear of Why is there a need to be afraid of living the way you want to leave? Why the fear? Nobody is threatening anyone. There have been no fights. Why then the fear of unknown?
PS: I know this post sounds too vague for understanding. But I have been thinking a lot lately. I cannot exactly put down the things as they are but still needed some kind of a release for pent up thoughts and angst.