It’s two weeks and one day now since my son’s birth. Wow, that sounds so unlike me. Me and a baby … me and my son! That’s so huge, so different, different good but.
We brought him home on the morning of the fifth day. The day went on well with him sleeping most of the time only to be awakened for nappy changes and feeds. However, as the day progressed so did my fear about the night. I dreaded the night. In the hospital the aayaas took him away for the night so that I could get proper sleep. During the daytime I was able to manage him. But now his total responsibility was on me. No doubt my family was with me but I felt that I was the principal person. As I lied down on bed that night, I had this nagging fear at the back of my mind that I wouldn’t wake up when he cries or I won’t be able to listen to his cries, or what if he somehow falls off the bed (crazy, I know) but I guess these are some very basic fears of new mothers.
The first couple of nights were quite frightful as he woke up after every hour or so and I thought I wasn’t able to manage him properly. However, after a couple of days, he started sleeping well at night and stayed awake during the day.
Loads has been said and written about motherhood but I am sure every new mother finds it amusing and exciting nevertheless. It is humbling to experience that you have the ultimate power over such a small incapacitated person, that every decision you take will shape his life. He has no control over what he eats or how is kept; whether dressed, cleaned, fed. On the other hand, such a small, innocent and totally ignorant creature has the power to bring the household to a standstill with his one loud cry. Totally contrast situations!