Some long time back, I was talking with my best friend from school over the phone. Soon after the hi-hellos, we fell back to our routine conversations about life in general and started updating each other about the latest happenings. She was going through her last couple of months of pregnancy and I was preparing myself for marriage. Both of us being highly emotional at this point, naturally, the conversation turned to topics like, love, trust, honesty, and emotions. She then made a statement that struck me. She said, “I think trust and love are just illusions.” I asked her, “Why do you say that?” She said, “Yea, don’t you think? You say you trust someone and believe in them. But just when they hurt you, you feel they don’t care enough and they don’t bother. Then where is that trust that you had in them? So, trust is an illusion.” Hmmm, now that got me thinking.
Why does it so happen? At one moment you are so believing and trusting in someone and then one false move and you put that person into your black list. Why is it so, that we find it easy to believe the negative and hard to put faith in the positive? We find it very difficult to convince ourselves that the picture that is presented to us is fishy. We come up with our own negative theory and look at the whole picture with suspicion and try to fit it into our own negative theory.
Well, this is just one theory. This may not be the case with everyone you meet, but for me, few people that I came across, did fall into this vicious cycle of my mind. Once this cycle starts, it is very difficult to break it and come out of it. Even if you try it once, giving the person the benefit of doubt and bang he or she comes back and hurts you more. And then it becomes difficult to see any positive side of that person anymore. This is how you interpret a person build up an image about him.
Few days back, I was watching a programme on National Geographic channel. It was about how men and women choose their life partners. The researcher said that women built relationships based on their memories. Most of the times, we girls just pick up the phone and narrate an entire situation to someone and then say, that is what he or she did and so that is how it must be. I think this is especially true with how women build relationships. We replay episodes or situations in our mind and analyse how each person made us “feel” during that entire experience. That memory or that feel stays in our mind and a particular part of the incidence “stays” with us. So then the next time you interact with that person, you get back that particular feeling instantly and it either puts you on guard or relaxes you depending on that sentiment.
This has happened with me many times, what about you?