Independent

Sometime in the past:

Me: I can’t think about a right solution to this.

My best friend: It’s because you haven’t let your mind think before. You always want someone to provide you with ready-made solutions which you only wish to implement. And if that goes wrong; which is quite possible, since the other person isn’t in your place, then you crib.

Me: I know, but I don’t think I can do this.

My best friend: You think so because you haven’t tried it before. Be independent. You cannot keep clinging to people always!

I have always been way too emotionally dependent on people. When I am emotionally down or when some incident charges me emotionally or when am angry, hurt and upset, all I can think of is to confide everything to my friend/relative or loved one. These people need not be close to me. I rarely weigh the consequences of disclosing that information to that person at the moment. It never occurs to me. I just cling to someone. It’s a weakness that lately my best friend brought to my notice. I visualise myself as powerless, weak, vulnerable and helpless soul incapable of redeeming myself.

I fail miserably to evoke my inner strength. I look around for help and support instead of having faith in myself. Opening my heart to someone makes me comfortable for some time. It is temporary. But then that is never the solution. What can others do about my misery? It is me indeed who has to find the way out. Seeking external comfort makes me weak as I feel less confident about myself.

I remember the times, though few, when I didn’t confide into anyone and resolved matters myself. The decisions made then were more confident, more surer and most apt. Lately, I have been trying solitude and working to sort out my own troubles. I sure do feel better. There is no confusion in the mind. The answers come late, but they do come. It will take a while before I accustom myself to this new way of processing my thoughts. I am the master of my thoughts. I own them. They are no one else’s ideas. Though this way is difficult, it is more original, more intuitive, more..me.

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