Clueless

Am very bored right now. But what’s new in that? I am actually waiting.. waiting for the clock to strike 6, call my client, get it over and go home. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Travelling is at the root of it all. But apart from that, I am just bored. Waiting for life to happen to me. Waiting for something nice, something big, something different. But then when something different actually happens, I cringe and run away and wonder why this happened to me.

I am basically stuck in the past and wondering what the future is going to be. This is all just too pessimistic. The things that I really really want to happen never happen, never will. There is always this discontent. How does one ensure to feel content at the end of the day?

I don’t. I feel there is something that needs to be done, something needs my attention and I have this thing to do, but am not getting what it actually is.

I feel clueless most of the times. Am not in charge of my destiny and mostly I have been trailed along by life.  I hardly take any decisions big or small. I need to be in control. I need to do something.

Sometimes I find even the mundane things difficult to achieve. I repeat my dialogues and what I have to say before confronting the person. It gets on my nerves.

I think I have a point to make, but am not able to pinpoint it.

I think it’s time to change my job probably. It’s been close to three years now and am in the same company at the same position working on, yes, the same old things. But then leaving the comfort zone is again dreadful. What if I am not able to make it?

This is just pointless ramblings to soothe my nerves. I need a break. I need coffee. I need a walk. I need to read a good book cover to cover without a break. I need sleep. I need rest.

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One thought on “Clueless

  1. What you really need is probably retrospective analysis. Putting your thoughts on a blog will not make them go away. In fact you are looking at your own reflection and wondering why it hasn’t changed? Well, it won’t. You can’t expect passive actions to be in charge of a situation. You need to ACT. Thinking, reflecting, munching, churning (blah blah..) your own thoughts will not fetch you the results. You have the engine and you can rev it up. But you won’t be able to move with that. Won’t you? What you need are the wheels.

    You don’t need a break. in fact with such rambling thoughts you will not need a break. You are standing at the edge of the cliff with a glider and wondering why it is so boring to stand like that..You need to take off. What if you don’t make it? Well, at least you will have the satisfaction that you tried. Didn’t go down without fight.

    What you really need, my dear friend, is athat one small yet confident step..Who knows..it will be a start of a long and beautiful journey..

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